Scents and Memories

Every time I stand at the stove stirring oatmeal, the aroma floats up, envelops me and triggers the memory of my grandmother.  I remember I was about five years old and would stand next to Mita (my grandmother’s nickname for Juanita which everyone used to address her), as she stirred and stirred that heavenly porridge that had a savory, sweet, nutty aroma.  When she finally served the smoking hot oatmeal, I had to wait a bit before getting that first creamy spoonful into my mouth.  The aroma of Mita''s oatmeal is seared onto my childhood memory and no matter how hard I try to reproduce it, it is not the same.

I’m sure that you all have special moments engraved in your memories that include food and people you love and care about very much.  I have no doubt about this when thinking about us Puerto Ricans, for sure the happiest gatherings always include scrumptious food, lots of conversation, laughter, family and friends.

My niece Ivelisse has shared with me more than once how she recalls when she was about eight years old and she stayed with Eddie and me for a few days during a summer vacation.  One day we baked (of all things) oatmeal cookies from scratch.  Together we measured, stirred and dropped spoonfuls of the mixture onto a cookie sheet and then waited for them to bake.  The aroma filled the house and made us both hungry. It was fun to go through the process and then sit down to have freshly baked cookies with milk or, in my case, a steaming cup of café con leche.  Ivelisse is today a young adult who still remembers that experience and has a special place in her heart for homemade oatmeal cookies and her aunt.

          Food memories can also be a bit problematic.  A good example of that is my dear husband Eddie and his memories of smell, taste and certain foods.  The first time I made pernil (roast pork) I followed Carmen Aboy Valldejuli’s recipe from Cocina Criolla, a well known Puerto Rican cookbook.  I thought I had done a great job, but when he tasted it, he said something that he has regretted the rest of his life.

“This does not taste like the roast pork my mother makes.”

I did not physically harm him, even though I did think about it.  However, what I said to him at that time early in our marriage, I have not gone back on:

“Well, mijo, from now on you can go to your mother’s for pernil.  I will never make it in my lifetime!”

I will say, though, that that particular situation ended well.  During the last ten years or so Eddie ventured into the kitchen and has learned to make many of his favorite dishes which include....yes, you guessed it: pernil.  I have to give him credit; he makes delicious roast pork.

          Another delicacy that we have tried to make on various occasions is a fritter that is typical in the town where Eddie was born, Lares.  The fritters are made with rice flour and other ingredients and they are called almojábanas.  We have tried various recipes and have even tried the prepared flour mix from Lares, but the fritters never compare to the taste and consistency that Eddie has stored in his childhood memory.

It is interesting to note that researchers have found that we begin storing memories of scents even before birth through the amniotic fluid (Fields).  This connection between amniotic fluid and smells was studied in the 1990’s by Fellow Julie Mennella at the Monell Chemical Sciences Center where ten pregnant women took either a garlic pill or a placebo 45 minutes before a routine amniocentesis.  Most of the volunteers who were asked to smell the fluid samples were able to distinguish the ones that smelled of garlic.  Another study was conducted in France with anise, a scent associated with licorice.  A group of pregnant women were asked to eat more anise-flavored cookies than usual and the control group of pregnant women was those who did not eat anything with that particular flavor.  After birth, the babies “were offered the smell of anise and another odor.... [and] they turned their head toward the odor they had in the womb” (Fields).

Dr. Maria Larsson, an associate professor of psychology at Stockholm University, has also studied the power of smell and she describes it as “an almost magical time machine” (Angier). In a study of groups of Swedes whose overall average age was 75, three different sets of memory cues were offered through words, pictures, and smells.  The word and picture cues elicited memories of adolescence and young adulthood.  On the other hand, the smell cues evoked memories of early childhood.  The memories associated with scent were described in “exceptionally rich and emotional terms...They smelled cardamom, and there they were in the kitchen, flour dust flying as they helped Mama and Nana roll out the holiday buns” (Angier). Dr. Larsson attributes the smells of early childhood to the fact that olfaction is the first of our senses to mature and whatever it records remains with us always.

From reading and writing about this topic I have learned that our childhood memories of certain aromas, especially food, have no comparison to those we experience later in life.  I know that I will not eat a bowl of oatmeal like the one Mita used to make and that Eddie will not have almojábanas like his mother used to make.  Still, there are many scents that we enjoy and some of them will invariably reconnect us to our childhood.  My niece summed it up well when she responded to my inquiry about her childhood experience with the oatmeal cookies: “It certainly was a very happy time where I felt very much loved.” Loving moments and scents are tightly woven together and firmly planted in our memories and when evoked, they provide us with a sense of warmth and comfort.

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“Nothing is more memorable than a smell. One scent can be unexpected, momentary and fleeting...Smells detonate softly in our memory like poignant land mines hidden under the weedy mass of years. Hit a tripwire of smell and memories explode all at once. A complex vision leaps out of the undergrowth.” ~ From: A Natural History of the Senses by Diane Ackerman.

References

Angier, Natalie.  “The Nose, an Emotional Time Machine.” The New York

            Times. 5 Aug. 2008.  Web. 25 May 2012.

Fields, Helen.  “Fragrant Flashbacks: Smells Rouse Early Memories.”

            Observer. 25:4 (Apr. 2012).  Assoc. for Psychological Science.  Web.

            22 May 2012.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

          What will I wear today?  What should I eat for lunch?  What will I make for dinner?  Should I get a short haircut or let my hair grow long? Should I buy a new car or a used one?  Should we buy a house? Can we afford a trip to Europe this summer?  Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

From the moment we wake up till we go to sleep at night our day is filled with decisions, big and small.  Some decisions we will think about for days or months, others we will make without giving them a second thought. On the other hand, it is not so easy when it comes to decisions that may cause significant changes in our lives. 

          I am one of those individuals who is a chronic list maker.  I make a grocery list every week; sometimes I may leave it on the countertop, other times I may even forget to purchase some item on the list, but that doesn't matter, I always make the list.  When I need to accomplish many tasks during a week and feel overwhelmed, the infamous To Do list magically appears. When the decision is a costly one, a lot of research goes into it and the quintessential list of the pros and cons seems to ground me a bit.  Yet the decision that will cause major change in my lifestyle is the most difficult, no matter the lists, the research, or the counsel.  Maybe it’s because those decisions usually don’t present themselves transparently and logically; future consequences are dim and unknown and fear of the unknown at times grips our minds and paralyzes our decision-making process.  We may spend weeks, months, or years mulling over a particular decision, losing precious time and opportunities. 

          According to psychotherapist Claudia Liz, this indecision may not be wholly due to lack of relevant information or advice, it may be because of an inner conflict.  She states that people should not be forced to make decisions when faced with an inner conflict.  The resolution will come about “through periods of dedicated thought, simply via a process of psychological gestation.” Claudia Liz also warns that there is no formula for how long it takes to resolve an inner conflict because “the world of emotions is not cut and dry like the world of logic, it’s murky.”

          The way I see inner conflict is that it’s our monitor, what we have in our subconscious mind.  It’s the custodian of all the dos and don’ts we were brought up with that at times may help us make some decisions, but other times will hinder or slow down the process.  If our indecision is due to inner conflict, we need to take our time.  It is better to wait, nevertheless knowing that at some point we need to make a choice.  Choices and consequences; we can’t get away from them, that is what life is all about.

“We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale; most of these choices are on lesser points.  But we define ourselves by the choices we have made.  We are in fact the sum total of our choices.”  Martin Bergmann, Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

Moments               

There have been moments when

I wished for a crystal ball

so I could peek into the future

and know that

what I decided then

would be right tomorrow.

There have been moments when

I found it difficult to provide

a solid “yes” or “no,”

when I could only whisper

“Maybe” or “Who knows?”

Yes, there have been moments when

I wished for a crystal ball

so I could be sure

and not be condemned to live

with the ghosts of could-have-beens,

the nightmares of regrets,

or the echoes of

“I told you so!”

But, I don’t have a crystal ball.

All I have are plans, doubts,

goals and fears;

dreams and realities;

all weighing me down,

but not restraining.

Now, I must confess,

there have been other moments

when I didn’t need that crystal ball;

moments that took me through

obscure & lonely times.

Those were the moments when

an inner voice compelled me

and called to mind that

I had a destiny to forge.

It is a voice that today

never lets me forget;

it is a voice that reminds me

I have a path to walk;

albeit at times not well lit,

rather dark & mysterious.

It is a voice that assures me,

that leads me,

quietly & decidedly,

through my present maze,

into my future.

Work Cited

Liz, Claudia. “How to Make a Really Difficult Decision.”  SelfGrowth.com  23 Apr.

            2009.  Web. 6 May 2012.

Listen to the Silence

La Parguera, PR

“Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.” ― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Most of us are naturally sociable persons; we like to be in the company of others for many reasons.  First and foremost, we enjoy witty and intelligent conversations on different topics; we like to laugh, cry, support each other, and build relationships that over time provide us with a sense of purpose and belonging. Consequently, many persons do not like to be alone, ever; they will not go alone to restaurants, shopping, or the movies, just to name a few activities. I consider myself a gregarious person, yet I am a staunch believer in the need to be alone once in a while.

To be alone is not a bad thing if it is a choice.  To be alone allows us to take time for ourselves, be it a few hours, a day, a few days or more.  I see my alone time as my own quality time to take my mind off negative events and focus on the positive; sometimes that take a lot of time, effort and energy.  Being alone allows us time to pursue our passions which could be reading, watching movies, writing, painting, sewing; whatever it is that gives us joy and satisfaction.  When we are alone we can reflect on what we’ve said or done with no one around to pass judgment.  These moments provide us the opportunity to explore our own strengths and to promote our peace and serenity.

I have prepared a space for myself in my bedroom where I go when I need to be alone.  In front of glass sliding doors that look out onto a wooded area I have a small, round mosaic table that Eddie made for me, two chairs, a lovely banker’s lamp, and my laptop.  Next to the chair is my night table with ten books on it (I just counted them!), and one Kindle; all within my reach.  The far opposite wall has the pencil portraits of my three children when they were one year old, each one looking beautiful and smiling at me.  My bedroom is definitely a very peaceful place, it is my retreat.  When the bedroom door is closed, Eddie understands the message and will not enter or knock until I open the door.  Sometimes I just sit and meditate on things that may have happened and whether I should hang on or let them go.  Other times I select a book to read depending on my need, or I write, or do both.  I love to listen to music there too, especially mellow jazz oldies.  It is my time out; my moment to be with myself, to explore my strengths and weaknesses and do whatever I want without guilt.

Another favorite alone time for me is when I’m at a bookstore.  I love to wander around and go from section to section picking out books, reading some pages, putting them back and doing the same further down the aisle.  I could be in a bookstore for hours and at the end walk out without making a purchase, yet feel happy.  When Eddie is with me, I don’t have the same freedom. He doesn’t hurry me, but follows me around the store which has the same effect.  So many times I have thought: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if commercial planners had a Barnes & Noble and Home Depot store next to each other?

          We need to take time for ourselves to rekindle our own fires; we need to know that we don’t need someone else to validate us. Let’s take time to be alone and listen to our silences.

                                      SOMETIMES

It’s good to be alone sometimes

and have a niche where to think,

and think again.

Time to make decisions,

time to provide awaited answers;

time to forgive,

time to forget.

It’s good to be alone sometimes,

and listen to music, read a good book,

or watch an old movie;

time to laugh, cry or be sad,

without having to explain;

glad to be alone,

guiltlessly alone.

It’s good to be alone sometimes,

but other times it hurts.

The reminiscing is painful,

it generates regrets of times gone by,

decisions made, answers given.

Even so, the feeling remains,

It’s good to be alone.....

sometimes.