This so-called amicable breakup
was a long time coming.
Our busy schedules allowed us no
time
for sitting together in the
evenings
to talk, read, watch TV, or
simply sip some wine and relax.
No time for kisses, hugs, or even
whispered sweet nothings.
Always too tired to go out
together
for dinner or a movie,
not even once a week.
Too tired for this, too tired for
that,
even too tired for sex,
always too tired.
I didn’t say out loud how hurt and
angry I was for fear of becoming a
nag.
He did not like confrontations,
so,
for years we kept up appearances,
while we both remained silent.
The silence was a mask.
Inside me the words kept
pushing & pulling & piling
up,
creating volcanic rumblings
on the brink of eruption.
To my surprise,
one day it happened.
The words did not explode, they
flowed,
hot, like molten lava flows
down the side of a mountain.
The words burned my throat, but
I managed to say them
while experiencing nervousness,
disappointment, sadness,
frustration, anger & fear.
I told him I wanted more, more
than what he seemed willing to
give.
If he did not want to consider
change,
I was willing to leave.
I was willing to leave behind
our history
together, our friends & family,
even our house and its contents.
His only question was:
Are you sure?
No anger, no defense, no
willingness
to openly discuss my claims,
no desire to validate our love,
no desire to validate the years
we had been together.
And that is why I left,
in spite of my fear & sadness,
in spite of my disillusion,
in spite of loving him,
I left.
(c) Mildred Santiago 2016
(c) Mildred Santiago 2016
