Broken Promises, Broken Ties

This so-called amicable breakup

was a long time coming.

Our busy schedules allowed us no time

for sitting together in the evenings

to talk, read, watch TV, or

simply sip some wine and relax.

No time for kisses, hugs, or even

whispered sweet nothings.

Always too tired to go out together

for dinner or a movie,

not even once a week.

Too tired for this, too tired for that,

even too tired for sex,

always too tired.  

I didn’t say out loud how hurt and

angry I was for fear of becoming a nag.

He did not like confrontations, so,

for years we kept up appearances,

while we both remained silent.

The silence was a mask.

Inside me the words kept

pushing & pulling & piling up,

creating volcanic rumblings

on the brink of eruption.

To my surprise,

one day it happened.

The words did not explode, they flowed,

hot, like molten lava flows

down the side of a mountain.

The words burned my throat, but

I managed to say them

while experiencing nervousness,

disappointment, sadness,

frustration, anger & fear.

I told him I wanted more, more

than what he seemed willing to give.

If he did not want to consider change,

I was willing to leave.

I was willing to leave behind

our history together, our friends & family,

even our house and its contents.

His only question was:

Are you sure?

No anger, no defense, no willingness

to openly discuss my claims,

no desire to validate our love,

no desire to validate the years

we had been together.

And that is why I left,

in spite of my fear & sadness,

in spite of my disillusion,

in spite of loving him,

I left.

                                              (c) Mildred Santiago 2016