Looking Back

Dear Reader,

It’s been a while since I have written. For whatever reason, it happened and now I am back. Maybe that’s why my interest in what looking back can offer.  

Opinions are divided on this action.  For some, looking back is not necessary; it obstructs their forward visibility. For others like me, looking back is a good experience so long as we don’t linger and use our past experiences as an excuse to not go forward.

Please read my poem and then take time to look at different scenarios from your past.  Meditate on how past experiences and events, whether good or bad, have influenced your present moment, that is, who you are and how you feel about your present life.  Even more than that, use your past to improve upon your present moment and help you move on with satisfaction and determination.  If you do that, then looking back is a good thing.

                      Looking Back

In my quest to understand my present moment,

and perhaps to find a better path,

from time to time,

I look back.

Once, when I looked back to my childhood,

I recalled the many ways my life was steered

with rigid ideas and beliefs

that served to define who I was,

what was expected of me and how,

as the firstborn,

I had to be a role model.

I tried my best to please,

to make mine the beliefs and strict,

narrow precepts that were handed down.

I remember I was always looking for

approval; complements on my

submissive & well-orchestrated behavior.

Such actions & words were sparse, almost null.

Hence, I grew up always trying to please,

always waiting for approval, complements.

So many times, in their absence,

I felt insecure, sad, even discouraged,

like the child of years ago.

That fateful moment I looked back,

I knew I needed to rid myself

of this emotional baggage.

I needed to make room for who I am today.

I needed to believe in myself,

with all my virtues & imperfections

because that is the authentic me.

I do not need to be validated by others,

I know my worth.

And so, in my quest to understand

my present moment,

I know that from time to time

it’s good, perhaps almost necessary,

to look back.