Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

          What will I wear today?  What should I eat for lunch?  What will I make for dinner?  Should I get a short haircut or let my hair grow long? Should I buy a new car or a used one?  Should we buy a house? Can we afford a trip to Europe this summer?  Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

From the moment we wake up till we go to sleep at night our day is filled with decisions, big and small.  Some decisions we will think about for days or months, others we will make without giving them a second thought. On the other hand, it is not so easy when it comes to decisions that may cause significant changes in our lives. 

          I am one of those individuals who is a chronic list maker.  I make a grocery list every week; sometimes I may leave it on the countertop, other times I may even forget to purchase some item on the list, but that doesn't matter, I always make the list.  When I need to accomplish many tasks during a week and feel overwhelmed, the infamous To Do list magically appears. When the decision is a costly one, a lot of research goes into it and the quintessential list of the pros and cons seems to ground me a bit.  Yet the decision that will cause major change in my lifestyle is the most difficult, no matter the lists, the research, or the counsel.  Maybe it’s because those decisions usually don’t present themselves transparently and logically; future consequences are dim and unknown and fear of the unknown at times grips our minds and paralyzes our decision-making process.  We may spend weeks, months, or years mulling over a particular decision, losing precious time and opportunities. 

          According to psychotherapist Claudia Liz, this indecision may not be wholly due to lack of relevant information or advice, it may be because of an inner conflict.  She states that people should not be forced to make decisions when faced with an inner conflict.  The resolution will come about “through periods of dedicated thought, simply via a process of psychological gestation.” Claudia Liz also warns that there is no formula for how long it takes to resolve an inner conflict because “the world of emotions is not cut and dry like the world of logic, it’s murky.”

          The way I see inner conflict is that it’s our monitor, what we have in our subconscious mind.  It’s the custodian of all the dos and don’ts we were brought up with that at times may help us make some decisions, but other times will hinder or slow down the process.  If our indecision is due to inner conflict, we need to take our time.  It is better to wait, nevertheless knowing that at some point we need to make a choice.  Choices and consequences; we can’t get away from them, that is what life is all about.

“We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale; most of these choices are on lesser points.  But we define ourselves by the choices we have made.  We are in fact the sum total of our choices.”  Martin Bergmann, Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

Moments               

There have been moments when

I wished for a crystal ball

so I could peek into the future

and know that

what I decided then

would be right tomorrow.

There have been moments when

I found it difficult to provide

a solid “yes” or “no,”

when I could only whisper

“Maybe” or “Who knows?”

Yes, there have been moments when

I wished for a crystal ball

so I could be sure

and not be condemned to live

with the ghosts of could-have-beens,

the nightmares of regrets,

or the echoes of

“I told you so!”

But, I don’t have a crystal ball.

All I have are plans, doubts,

goals and fears;

dreams and realities;

all weighing me down,

but not restraining.

Now, I must confess,

there have been other moments

when I didn’t need that crystal ball;

moments that took me through

obscure & lonely times.

Those were the moments when

an inner voice compelled me

and called to mind that

I had a destiny to forge.

It is a voice that today

never lets me forget;

it is a voice that reminds me

I have a path to walk;

albeit at times not well lit,

rather dark & mysterious.

It is a voice that assures me,

that leads me,

quietly & decidedly,

through my present maze,

into my future.

Work Cited

Liz, Claudia. “How to Make a Really Difficult Decision.”  SelfGrowth.com  23 Apr.

            2009.  Web. 6 May 2012.