Hidden Anguish

Sometimes, only sometimes,

my arms ache from the need

to hold a child,

not any child, my child.

I need to hold her

close & secure next to my heart

so I can breathe in

the sweet aroma of innocence,

and feel the softness of

her small, tender body.

Sometimes, only sometimes,

my body & soul hunger to hold

in my lonely arms

the young child that once was,

and then bury my nose in her

neck so I can take in the

intoxicating elixir of purity,

love, and radiant warmth

that infuses life into every

corner of my existence.

Sometimes, only sometimes,

I am strong enough to silence

my aches and forlorn desires

for the palpable love of my child.

Somehow, I am able to hide those

feelings that emerge from

the depths within,

feelings that refuse to die,

feelings that I know will rise again,

time & place unknown.

                                                © Mildred Santiago 2015