Nostalgia

                                   

As I watched the Banco Popular of Puerto Rico Christmas special this past weekend, I had an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.  For about twenty years the historical and possibly largest bank of Puerto Rico has produced a Christmas program that presents the traditions of the island through song and dance.  Some years the show has been dedicated to outstanding composers, poets, or musicians; this year the theme was the island’s music recording industry from the 1940’s to the present. 

Music and dance have always been an integral part of the Puerto Rican people inherited from its early inhabitants, the Taino indigenous people, and through the integration of different groups that colonized the island, mostly the Spaniards and Africans.  Just like the people of Puerto Rico reflect a fusion of many cultures and races, the music and dances are testimonies to its rich cultural heritage.  This year’s presentation touched upon the different music genres that have been a part of the lives of Puerto Ricans over the years.  In addition to music and dance, spectacular scenes of different parts of the island were part of the show; from its sandy beaches and deep blue oceans to the lush green mountain sides, it brought back many memorable moments and of course, nostalgia.

As I reflected on the content of the program I also thought about my own life and how I was blessed to have gone to the island of Puerto Rico as a young woman and establish residence there for 42 years.  I learned so much about my heritage culture and was able to integrate that culture into my life in a more complete way than when I lived in Brooklyn, NY.  My life was enriched in many ways through Puerto Rico’s history, literature, music, theater, art, and most of all, through the beautiful people who live on the island.

I do not live there now because of decisions one makes in lieu of responsibility and moral obligation, yet I dream that there will come a time when I will be able to divide my life equally between Puerto Rico and continental USA. Dreams are essential in our lives, the day we stop dreaming we stop living.

Following is a poem that tells how I see myself in this complicated world of dreams and realities.

                      WHO ARE YOU?

You ask who I am; I say I am a woman,

Born in a city teeming with diversity,

to a Puerto Rican jíbara and a New York City guy.

I flourished between two worlds,

two cultures, and two languages.

At times I was integrated, dichotomized at others.

I learned to savor arroz con gandules, pasteles y lechón,

yet also relished turkey, stuffing, yams, and pumpkin pie.

I was taught to say, “Bendición, Mami,”

before going to sleep at night,

and in the morning, “See you later, Dad,”

as off to school I went.

Who am I?

I am a woman who remembers iridescent snow flakes falling,

The crunch beneath my boots, the wind stinging my face,

eyes smarting & crying.

Christmas trees sparkling,

glimmering ribbons, red & gold,

tinsel shimmering in dusky darkness;

the comfort of warm, pine scented homes.

Who am I?

 I am a woman who was reborn on a tropical island;

 the island of my heritage that slowly and

 almost imperceptibly made its way into my heart,

 permanently.

 The island where I blossomed,

 and dared to dream a different life,

 and then went on to experience it

 in depths and dimensions of joy and pain

 that I could not have imagined, ever.

 It is the island where my existence,

 past and present, crystallized.

  

 Who am I?

 I am a woman who loves the early morning

 mist of tropical winters,

 palms waving in a delicate breeze,

 blue-green ocean, swaying, seducing,

 cool, lazy evenings that lull,

 rain soaked grass and dripping ferns,

 the orchestrated songs of coquies in the night.

 Who am I?

 Sometimes I am distinctly Puerto Rican,

 other times undeniably American.

 Most times I feel unique; harmoniously interwoven.

 I revel in the differences and repose in the sameness.

 You can call me Nuyorican, Puertorriqueña, Latina or Americana,

 It really makes no difference,

 For when I look inside myself or in the mirror glance,

 I know who I am.

                                                Mildred Santiago

Jíbara – country girl

Arroz con gandules = rice and pigeon peas

Lechón asado  = roast pork

Pasteles  -  meat pies made with plantains and other roots; Christmas tradition.

Bendición Mami –  Bless me Mom (traditional custom that some still practice as a greeting when arriving at grandmother’s or mother’s home and at night before going to sleep).

Coquies (coquí)  – tiny tree frogs that sing loudly at night, especially when it rains.